I wish I was sleeping, it is midnight and that is what I should be doing. But instead, I am crying my eyes out, quietly, so I don't wake anyone (but secretly wishing I actually would). All day long I have had this feeling deep in the pit of my stomach that won't go away. It is all in my head, my kids are fine, everything is fine, and quite obviously my husband does not feel the same way that I do, so go figure, I must be the insane one, everything is fine. Except it is not! I feel like my beautiful babies are not as loved and appreciated by certain people as they should be. This is a very generalized statement that really only has to do with a very few people. But we all know that making broad and generalized statements makes us feel better! So, what about tonight set me off? It was at a Kindergarten parent gathering tonight that I find out that my 6 year old baby, 5 at the time, was chosen to be the "special buddy" for a Pre-School classmate whose mother was recently diagnosed with cancer and who was himself diagnosed with "visual transference", I think that was it. Never heard of it before, but it does not matter what it was, the point is my AB was chosen by her teacher to be the special connection with this kid. And the crazy thing is, I did not know about this one, but I did know about another one the same year. So, that makes 2. My baby is so amazingly mature and empathetic, her teacher put her in the position of being an incredibly important support system for 2 of her peers. And the most amazing thing of all, she did it! She was successful in both situations, she helped these 2 other kids, she empathized with them, understood where they were, and was able to help them cope enough to get through the days. AMAZING!! Anyone who does not see that brilliance in her is missing out, I am sorry to say it may be people who are incredibly close, people who are so close minded that they can not see the beauty of what is in front of them, I feel sorry for them, I wish only that they could see what I see and appreciate her for who she is. This is what put me in this pitiful mind frame, being reminded (yet again) of how wonderful she is, yet wondering why she is criticized (ever!!).
And B, I don't even know where to start. He is not a stupid kid. He may seem to not notice things, but believe me, he notices. At night, kind of like me, when the day is done and no one is looking, he opens up. He shows true emotion, thought sometimes hard to read. What is seemingly a tearful goodnight or a rough end to the day is actually an emotional reaction to an event or a vivid reliving of a fearful thought. He notices, he gets it, if it is not right, it makes him sad. So, he has had a couple of these nights lately, and it just breaks my heart!
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