Stress

I wrote this a little more than a year ago. I took a much needed break from the search for a principal position. Now, I am about to jump back in. After reading this, I am forced to think long and hard!! But, one year older, one year wiser, right??!! I can handle it, I know I can! :)

Stress is like a snowball rolling down a hill, not only catching momentum but also growing in size. I knew I had some stress, but the full effect it was taking on me did not hit me until I peed the bed. I don’t mean a little bit, the crazy accident where you wake up just as you start to go and run to the bathroom, all the result of a dream in which you are actually at a toilet and it is okay to go. No, I mean the full deal. I never woke up, I am 37, and I peed the bed and never woke up. I saturated the sheets, the mattress pad, and the foam underneath. When I finally and wearily was drawn out of my slumber by the cold wet feeling around my legs, it took me a few moments of denial to admit what had happened. When my kids have ever wet the bed a little in the middle of the night, I have just gotten a large bath towel to cover the wet spot until morning, when changing sheets is a little more bearable. But no bath towel I owned was going to cover my spot. So, I had to wake my husband. What exactly do you say in this situation. No sooner did I start than I began to laugh so hysterically I could not even get a word out. Between fits of laughter, I eeked out the news: I peed the bed, we have to change the sheets. I know that he could hardly believe me, but thankfully he just rolled out of bed and snapped into action, pulling off the sheets, and yes, hesitating slightly when he saw what I was talking about. “You did that?” he asked. “Yes, I did” I replied, laughter turning into tears, tears turning into sobs as the reality of my mental state hit me. I wondered to myself how in the world I could have reached this point. I feel more stressed than I can handle. I feel that I have lost a certain amount of control, I start to feel hopeless and then the familiar sensation of panic sets in. I don’t feel like I can catch my breath, my heart is pounding, and it feels like there is a large elephant sitting on my chest. I crumbled to the floor and just cried, that deep heavy cry that involves your whole body. My husband stopped changing the sheets to bring me tissues and a shoulder to cry on. It was at this moment that I finally stepped back to admit that I was overwhelmed. Enough was enough, I had to cut out some of my stress or find another way to deal with, that was very obvious.

When I think back on the past few months, I have been totally and completely focused on a career change. I am a mom to two beautiful perfect children, who are now 5 and 7 years old. My husband and I have been married for 14 years, not a perfect marriage, more on that later. But, he loves and supports me one hundred and ten percent. I love him too, and I love the family we have created together. I am also a teacher, I have taught middle school spanish for 14 years at the same school. Lately, I have had the itch to take the next step in my career and become a principal. I know, glutton for punishment, but this is part of the dream I have always had. I love to be the boss, to be in charge. I love to be in control and to help inspire greatness.